Running Late?

There are people who manage time to the minute. If they get a last-minute call, forget to get gas, or hit an extra traffic light, they will be late. Others make plans with what may seem like excessive factors of safety, usually arriving early. Understanding how you manage time and how that decision impacts your potential to be on time and impact others is important. It is equally important to understand how others process time management and view the impact of arriving late. Typically, if you are a person who makes every effort to arrive on time, if not early, being late, even when out of your control can cause extreme stress and guilt. These feelings may impact physical health with symptoms of headaches or stomach cramps. When others are late, this personality type will feel anxiety as well, often resulting in feelings of anger and resentment that their time was not valued. On the other hand, the person who is routinely late may be oblivious of the impact this has on others. If late, they may apologize, but certainly will not have any long-lasting sense of guilt, anxiety, or physical symptoms. This personality will typically be quite tolerant of others who are late as well.

Which one are you? Are you always on time or unusually a few minutes late, or very late? It’s important to understand that there are different personality types. If we understand that people think differently, and thus act differently, we can begin to be more forgiving of ourselves and others. We can also plan better and communicate so that both parties can enjoy activities together without resentment.

Being late sends a message to the other person that their time is not valued. This is rarely the case though. Most of what we do has more to do with our own internal perceptions than our intended impact on others. While this does not justify the behavior, knowledge that this behavior is not a personal afront should be helpful. Open communication is important, but don’t expect that understanding how you feel is going to elicit a change in the other person’s behavior. And don’t confuse the other person’s lack of change as a reflection of how they feel about you.

Dealing with a chronically late person can be frustrating. You can try to set limits and let them know you will leave if they arrive late. (You can define what you perceive is too late) You can schedule meeting times that are 15 minutes earlier than you anticipate meeting. Most importantly is not to allow their lateness to impact your stress. Stress will impact the quality of your time together and potentially impact your ability to manage your own emotions and behavior.

If you are the one who is habitually late, it’s time to make a change. Not only is it disrespectful to be late, but it is unfair and creates an image of being irresponsible and untrustworthy. The next time you have a dedicated time of arrival, take the time to identify all the factors that could impact your travel time. Put the adjusted time on your calendar. Use two alarms, one to get ready and one when it’s time to leave. Managing your time does get easier and will eventually become the better habit.

If you are the one that is always on time, and something goes wrong which will result in beings late, it is important to put yourself in the other person’s perspective. If you were the other person and your friend who was routinely on time, arrived late, would you be sympathetic and supportive? Of course, you would be. Most of us are much more judgmental and harder on ourselves than we are with others. The emotional tendency to cancel and bail is a natural response. Instead, communicate with the other person. Let them know you will be later and let it be their decision of whether you should continue or reschedule. Once they make the decision, let it go. They will entertain themselves and are looking forward to your visit. Drive safely, relax; you just got the ok that being late is NOT a problem in this situation and plan to enjoy your time together.